This morning I wasn’t sure about the title of my post. It sort of evolved as I was writing. I hope you like it!

And what’s been happening last week? Not much work wise. I’ve still to do the videos for the landing page. To do them I need to be in the right frame of mind, and I wasn’t. But I’ll do them today or tomorrow.

As my love life was so bad in the recent years, this week I thought about where I was going wrong. Consequently I’ve closed the door on dating the younger guys. Never again. I’ve stopped seeing Tomas last week as he just wasn’t a man enough for me- and it wasn’t only because of his age. He wasn’t acting and reacting like someone I could rely on. Give him five more years and he’ll be perfect.

He ended it between us back in November and even then it felt like a right thing to do. But this time there was no pain, just a relief. He was too new to the country, too inexperienced in life to offer anything substantial.

Me, Monika and a few friends went to Floridita on Friday. We met some guys that were personal trainers, and I fancied one of them, Chris. He turned out to be Polish, 26 and, well, absolutely gorgeous. He didn’t have a hint of Polish accent, acted and talked very English. We didn’t swap the numbers as he was busy chatting to other girls all night, but Monika took his number at the end of the night. We texted all Saturday and met on Sunday, but he in fact contributed to my decision of closing the door on these young boys. His track record: he’s 26, lives with each girlfriend for about 4 months (moves in with them after about 2 weeks), he goes to sex parties, strip clubs and so on. Wow. And he acted very surprised when I didn’t want to ’hook up’ the next day, or the day after.

He would have been fun to keep on seeing, I admit as much. I fished out some chocolates on the way to the tube station to munch on, and he said: ’You’re horrible! You’re ruing all the hard work for me!’ (he’s a personal trainer and a body builder).

Spotting a stall holder near by selling tights, he asked if he could borrow a mannequins’ leg to hit me with as a thank you for the chocolates. And who said the romance was dead?

I’m by no means an angel and also had my share of dates over the past few years, very disappointed with what’s on offer in London. I think the reason I didn’t find anyone right for me was that I went for such young boys. No more. Not only am I staying single for quite a long time (till I run the successful social media business), but I won’t even consider someone under 28.

So, Chris walked me to the station and we said our good byes. I didn’t feel like a midnight kiss- for such a good looking guy, there was strangely no chemistry. Or perhaps I was still mourning Tomas,  who knows.

Bye bye young boys, hello business! J

The weekend on the whole was lovely. Floridita on Friday, although I need to start going to Cuban on Sundays, I miss it so much. Then we went to a pub with a live music on Saturday and Fadil came to see me. Monika wasn’t happy he came- I mean, I know she doesn’t like anything to do with Ervin, and Fadil is his best friend. But she still has to respect the fact I have friends!

When I spoke to her the next morning, she was very upset with Fadil. I of course left at midnight in my Cinderella fashion; the rest of them stayed, Fadil included. Apparently, Fadil went to the toilet, leaving his designer jacket on the table for Monika to watch and it got stolen. Monika claimed she did not hear him telling her about the jacket. I believed her because she’s deaf in one ear, but she still acted out of order, ranting and raving about his stupidity. Not cool!

On Sunday, I went to a Slovak mass with Robo. It felt amazing to be in the church again. I realised with horror that that last time I heard the mass in Slovak language was before the mobile phones were invented, and way before face book. It was very embarrassing. I left it far too long!

It was a special mass with an English bishop overseeing our priests, so it was a rather long one with the translations. But as I was rather tired from all that weekend partying, I was glad to just close my eyes and listen. Bliss! I’d love to go to church regularly now that I have Sundays off.

Afterwards, we met Pali, a friend’s boyfriend and went for lunch all three of us. We had a beautiful stroll alongside the Thames, pass Tower Bridge and down to Catherine’s Docks with the boats moored in. We went to Dicken’s Inn, a beautiful place over 3 floors that sadly had a very disappointing food. The chicken was very undercooked. But the place itself could have easily been set in a ranch in Slovakia.

Lunch over, I headed out to meet Chris, the Polish guy from Friday. We met in Oxford Circus, I was fashionably late. And, well, I already wrote about it earlier J a nice, simple boy who made me close the door on all the young boys in this world. And for that I’m grateful.

So, following a blue Saturday when I was debating what I was going to do with my weekends now that I don’t have a market stall, I have had the most amazing Sunday. I have finally started to feel excited about having the weekends to myself, as opposed to sitting in the cold market.

I’ve met up with Monika, my Polish friend, in Leicester square in the early afternoon and we spent about one hour looking for a nice place to eat. We headed to Covent Garden. I did plan on seeing Tomas who works at Covent Garden later on, so it sounded like a good idea to eat there. We just wondered around, lost in the beauty of this old magical market place, and I finally started to realise that my new life was actually going to be a lot of fun! I was sad we didn’t have that stroll around Covent Garden before Christmas, as with all that festive lighting it would have been even nicer.

After stumbling upon, and refusing to eat in, many old English pubs (we were after a nice Sunday roast dinner), we settled in ‘All Bar One’ and ordered 5 Tapas between us. It was just the perfect amount of food to have on Sunday afternoon before drinking.

I really wanted to talk to Monika about my new idea for a FanPage. And I’ll tell you too! Well, I was thinking of how to incorporate this blog with Facbeook to get more readers. As the blog started off as a relationship blog, and dealt- and still deals with- online dating mainly, I wanted to create a FanPage that would reflect that.

I’m also creating videos for people, as you know if you read my blog. I’ve got about 40 videos till this date, with the original questions. I wanted to put these into a good use too. So I thought: I’d create a ’Relationship FanPage’, dealing with relationship problems. I’ll encourage both girls and guys to join-it’ll certainly not be a fan page for just the girls to vent their anger!

People will be able to post their questions directly on the wall, and other fans will be able to give their opinion/ answer. I’ll also be adding samples of my blog daily, thus creating a FanPage with an interesting, ever-changing content.

I’m not sure on the name yet. I’m considering ’kissing it better’ as that’s what I use when I create the videos. But it’s probably long been taken by someone. I’d be glad of any ideas!

So we were discussing all this with Monika last night, and we came up with an idea of doing a ’living room talk show’ once a week. We would encourage fans to send us a relationship topic which we would then answer together. We are planning on having guests at times, guys or girls, depending on who’ll agree to join us J , plus it needs to be someone well spoken and intelligent. So all this is in a pipeline for this week. I personally can’t wait to get started!

Well, back to yesterday. After we finished dinner, we headed off to see Tomas at his restaurant. I only planned to call him and tell him to come out and say hi, but Monika confidently strolled in, dragging me behind. He did warn me earlier we wouldn’t be able to kiss J as the owner was always there; but his cold, albeit constant attention was surprising. He works as a bar staff so he was not meant to be hovering around the tables; yet he spent most of our time there with us.

He hardly looked at me, cute and tall in his work uniform, and spent the time talking to Monika, just like the first time we met. I did feel sorry for him, being this shy. Watching him squirm in front of us reminded me of a documentary where they poured salt all over the snail- you could see it melting before your very eyes. An awful sight.

I do wish he gained more confidence, as this lack of confidence is clearly paralyzing him. And yet when it’s just two of us, without an outside world, he’s a brilliant company. I’m tired of having to defend him to my friends when they accuse him of being ‘slow’ or ‘thick’. He’s neither- he’s just shy!

We had a drink and went off, without a single kiss. He was serving another table as we were leaving, and Monika playfully stroked his muscular arm, to the shock of the diners, and said:

‘Thank you, you were a wonderful waiter!’ He was too surprised to react. I grabbed her hand and we went out, laughing.

Well, I’m not a jealous type of person. But even if I was, with this boy I’d never ever have to worry about him eyeing up other women. I could see in that short time we sat there, the fact he was coming to our table to talk to us caused a total uproar with the rest of the staff. Everyone came out to see who Tomas was talking to for the first time ever, including the kitchen staff and the owner itself. I wasn’t sure whether it was a good or a bad thing. I wish he showed more passion, even if it was for other women!

Me and Monika then strolled around a few shops and then ended up in Soho. Floridita was closed, so we found a nice and cosy, albeit a gay bar, to have a drink in. As we were coming in, the bouncer asked:

‘Are you sure you want to come in? There are no ladies in there!’ That sounded perfect to us, plus we wanted to see some guy-on-guy action.

We got the drinks, which were very cheap, and headed upstairs. The room was lovely, with low-hung chandeliers and a grand piano taking up a centre stage. It was full of men, who got very excited at seeing us two come in; they were probably hoping to see what we were there for, too.

Sadly, apart from one couple, no one was very actively involved with someone else. We played the part, as when one of us when to the toilet, the other would playfully stroke the head or mess up the hair. But they did not get to see girl-on-girl action!

This was my second time in a gay bar- I once went on a date to one with a guy who is, in fact, following my blog these days. He complained last night that I did not even mention our few dates in my blog. Well, all I can say is that he mustn’t have read the blog very well, because the time spent with him, and even our first date at the gay bar, was well documented in this blog!

So all in all, a good day yesterday. I’m finally starting to see how much having the weekends off will be. Bring on the next one!

Of course, not much changes in my world as when you’re working from home, one day seems to be like the next. I’m in my cosy little world, constantly buzzing with ideas about my business. I find it hard to separate my free time from my work time still, but I’m working on it.

Yesterday Tomas was off so we went to Brent Cross to see the Holiday Inn hotel for any possible vacancies for him. He loved it there, all formal and people suited and booted. I had to agree, he’d fit in that place like a glove.

We had a nice little time together. We did not kiss and hug like we would usually do at a less formal place; we just sat, talking, relaxed into each other’s bodies. It’s funny how he finds it hard to look at me when he talks; mostly he looks at the table. Well, at least he’s not looking at other women so I’m all right there!

Then we went off to Brent Cross Shopping Centre for a little stroll. He’s in fact a perfect companion, happily walking into any shop. Any girl would be grateful for such a partner. I can not fault him when I watch him in these situations; and yet there are faults I find hard to deal with because of his age and inexperience. For instance, the way he let me go before Christmas.

He did not give my feelings a second thought, and yet now he’s declaring how strongly he feels about me. I do suspect it’s more to do with a fact he only really knows me in London, and I sort of have to be all to him. And I’m not sure that’s how he want it to be. I’m also feeling lonely these days, what with Robo away, Adia stuck in her own personal situation and Monika living on the other side of London. It’s not easy. I also find I want to see him more and more as he’s my, well, a lot of things in one .

Still, I’m staying put behind a tall wall for now. And the way he’s careful with his money, like we’ve not been for a dinner together yet. But that I suppose comes from a fear of living in fickle London. One day you have a job, the next you don’t. Well, I’m in the same situation, plus I’m always cooking a nice meal when he’s here! I guess I’ll have to teach him a thing or two.

I’m considering dating other men just in case he drops a bombshell again. At the same time, I know I couldn’t get physical with someone else while I’m seeing him, as that part is really good between us. When we hug and kiss, it feels amazing. I know I won’t have that with someone else for a long time.

So, what are everyone’s weekend plans? Me and Monika were meant to go out tonight- well, she sent a message suggesting two possible options- but I’m very tempted to stay at home and work. I’ve still got so much to do! Am I turning into a boring person? I suspect I am!

No more clients on the horizon yet, as I’ve still not mastered the art of turning enquiries into orders. But I know they’re coming. I mean, almost everyone is on facebook now. I have discovered some free websites where people can create the welcome pages that we do. At first, I was startled, but now I’m glad. I’ve tried it and it’s almost impossible to make it look professional. So I’m happy they can see just how much hard work goes into it!

All’s good, obviously these few weeks will be a real test of what I’m made of. Bring it on! J

I thought I’d tell you about my new business a little.

So, last night I was up till the early hours, trying to think of new ways to advertise this business. As I’m an avid fan of Woman&Home Magazine, I ususally go straight for the business section where four women talk about their business ventures and their successes. While it’s an amazing read, I do wonder about their large initial investments. Not once have I read small figures. They mainly spend on advertising. In the newest copy of the magazine, there’s a lady that spent £35000 on the marketing when she started up. Is that really a normal sum to spend on advertising the business? Have I been doing something wrong all these years?

This week I’m starting my marketing campaign for ‘Be In Social Media’. I plan an advertising campaign through Facebook Ads, although I don’t read good reviews about them. I will also push the fan page through Google, even though the costs per click advertising went through the roof in the recent years.

I remember when I did ‘Cost per Click’ advertising on Google seven years ago. I was promoting my Glass Nail Files. I only ran the campaign for a few weeks, with an avarage cost per click £0.60, but these few weeks pushed my site up to be the very first search result on Google. I remember my ex looking at it-he’s a genius with computers- and being very impressed.

Of course, at that time I knew nothing about SEO, but that’s what I achieved with my little campaign. Without trying, and because I had an e-commerce website, I had ‘Glass Nail File’  mentioned a thousand times on each page.

If I wanted to run the same campaign now, the cost per click would be at least £2. And that’s not taking into account the results, which may be none as many people just look around for free ideas. So I really need to narrow the search down and concentrate on finding the ‘niche’for my business.

There’s a huge difference between ‘social media marketing’, which is used about a million times a day on search engines, pushing the costs throught the roof, and ‘Facebook FanPage Connect’ which might get less hits, if any, and the costs per click will be cosiderably smaller. The only way to find out is to try and see, I guess. But the most important thing is to try out less used words, and thus find your niche, and target your exact customers and clients.

I have enough ‘likes’ on the Facebook FanPage to promote it via Facebook Ads. I’ll be playing with the key words and pictures for the next couple of days!

Of course, I’ll write about how I’m doing. This is very important for me. I’ve started up so many ventures, mostly unsuccessful in the past (different locations for my glass nail files, importing crystal from Czech Republic etc) that this business I really want to work. I also like it, I understand it, all I need is to find good people to work with and everything will be fine. I can not wait to be rushed off my feet! J

And how do I feel about Camden? Relieved. Very relieved I don’t have to go there and sit there in the cold. I want to run around the house like a child and screaming with joy when I think of not going there this weekend. The shock of closing has worn off, and all I feel is a relief. I’m working hard anyway, I’m not just sitting at home doing nothing.

Do you remember my video adventure where I give people advice over the video? Well, I don’t really have the time for it now but I do still get orders. I’ve got about 10 videos waiting in my inbox, I’m planning on doing them this week. Also the agency I did them for, TopMatch, had offered me a franchise for London. It would basically mean following their exact pattern of matching the couples up. I was initially excited over Christmas but this would mean running two internet business. I feel I really need to concentrate on just one and do it 100%. Plus I looked into how they operate and it seems they are very involved with each couple, unlike a normal website where you make your own arrangements. I can see it would work as, for starters, people would take it more seriously. With the websites I’m on, it hardly ever comes to an actual meeting. People just waste time on these sites. So anyway, I’m still considering it- will keep you posted! J

He was meant to come to Camden but instead, he sent me a long text message explaining why it wouldn’t work between us. He was blaming his childhood when he’d seen his dad hit his mum (??), then he said he wanted to be alone. I was very hurt for the first two days. He wasn’t picking up the phone, choosing the same method of letting go Chris did last summer. I hate that! Ignorance is the worst thing ever- why do people do that?

On Saturday morning, he texted saying how he was fighting the tears on the way to work, as we really did have an amazing time together. Seeing that message made me relax a bit. I realised he really was very young and inexperienced, and that there wasn’t much I could do. I needed to let him go.

On Sunday, I texted him about his PC key which he’d left at my house. He replied:

‘I’ll pick it up at Camden when I get back from my holiday.’

I said I was closing Camden in a few days. Then I asked:

‘Are you happy we split up?’ to which he replied: ‘L ’

I said: ‘Please stop all this and come here.’ (I took a chance there, and the last one, too).

He said he would, and that we could talk about life in general, not just about us.

As I waited for him, I realised I might miss our Camden’s  Christmas party that evening. I didn’t really mind, as when you know you’re leaving someplace, you want as little contact with everyone as possible. It’s strange but true- I was already living in a different world.

In the meantime and while I waited for him, my two friends came to see me and we were chatting by my stall when I saw him, tall and proud, filling his nails. He didn’t say much, he just stood there. We didn’t kiss or hug; we were civil to each other but showed no feelings. I was still hurting too much from what he’s done.

We closed my stall and went to the pub. He bought us drinks and we sat down to talk. At this point, I realised I didn’t really care about what would happen with us; too much hurt and damage had been done. I also realised I had to stop hurting people like this myself, as I behaved in an exactly same way in all my relationships. I let people go easily and even if I changed my mind a few days later, I now saw how much hurt I’d probably caused. Suddenly, being on the receiving end of the dumping, a second time around in only a year made me realise my own recklessness. Now I’ll be choosing my words very carefully. With Chris, if you remember, it was very similar- I suggested a break up when, in fact, I just wanted a few days’break from him, as he was so intense. And yet he took it seriously, and proud and hurt he cut me off from his life.

So back to me and Tomas. We chatted, but a physical tension between us for rising. I longed to touch him. His eyes were also lingering on my lips, a clear sign he wanted to kiss me. When I couldn’t hold it any longer, I took his hands into mine over the table. He gratefully squeezed them back, never wanting to let go. As we talked, I impulsively leaned over and kissed him. We were still discussing our separation by this point. As he then pulled his chair next to mine and hugged me to him in his muscular arms, I knew we weren’t over. What a relief it was to kiss his full, familiar, beautiful lips, so perfectly matching mine!

We spent the rest of the evening kissing. We didn’t talk much. I was considering what to do- he said he’d never been dumped, he did the dumping. Was I to patiently wait for him to tire of me again, or was I to leave now and to never look back?

We ended up going to my place together, but it wasn’t a happy decision. I simply took a risk, I just wanted to lie in his arms again. He left for work early the next day. We awkwardly communicated in the next few days; I took my time in replying. Too much had changed. Then he left for the holidays, and we were sort of back on track by then- although I was different by then. I was more relaxed, as if I built a wall around me so that if anything like this happened again, I won’t go down like I did the last time.

When he was away over Christmas, we were in touch, him reassuring me he was not ‘going cold’ as he called it. But did I care by then? Not really.

Now, we’ve spent New Year’s Eve and New Year’s day together. It was nice and sweet. Our ‘relationship’, if I even can call it that, is great. There are no future plans, no pressure, no hanging onto one another like I envisaged we would in the early days. We are relaxed, I for one am not even sure what I feel- I don’t even go there. I’m enjoying our time together but without putting any labels on it. And that’s, I think, how it should be within the first two months of meeting someone.

And so much have changed over Christmas, I don’t even know where to start.

So, my Camden Market stall:

After seven years of trading at Camden Town Lock market with my trustful, reliable glass nail files, I closed my market stall on the 27^th of December forever. Mahesh, my trusted friend, helped me to pack everything up. I truly had mixed feelings whilst we did that. But will I miss it or the people working there? Some yes, some I’ll be glad never to see again.

Still, it was a decision not taken lightly; the feeling I won’t have any weekly income, albeit small as it were in the last few years, was terrifying. But deep down I knew that this ‘business’ was just a false pretence, of holding onto a dream; it did not make enough money for the living. I always knew I could do more, and the only way to do that was to close the market stall to push myself to the limits.

The last few weeks before Christmas, when we had to look after our own stalls, were bitter- sweet. I already hated Camden for taking up so much of my time; after all, I’ve got a social media marketing business at home that was so much worth my time and effort. Here, I  stood all day, in the freezing cold that even numerous clothes couldn’t fight, with earnings of £80 or less a day. In Christmas season, when the businesses were meant to take thousands!

But I ploughed through, knowing it was my last season. I told people around me I’d be leaving for a few months, not forever; you never know what’ll happen in the future. I wouldn’t want to queue up again if I had to return. However, I do hope it won’t happen. It can not! I’m simply not going back there, ever!

So here I am, ready to embark on taking my social media business to a new level- I’m starting with the marketing today. I’ll work on my website this week and get it ready for my future clients. I love working from home. And I’ll try harder and separate the personal and work life better, meaning I’ll find the time to go and meet friends, for coffee etc. The life is just beginning!

On the personal note, I treated myself to a new Dyson hoover- yes, now that I closed Camden I’m spending money J and I’m also looking for a new bed. Good times, come to me, I’m ready!

Today is 20/12/11, and only four days to go till Christmas (well, five in the UK as they celebrate on the 25^th, as opposed to the 24^th in Slovakia).

And I must say, I’ve never been this disorganized in all my life. I have not done any shopping yet, left everything to the last minute. Thank God we put the tree up last week at least- at least the sitting room looks ready for Christmas, if not the fridge and the freezer!

So today I’ve got my shopping list ready. The moment I finish this entry, and my coffee, I’m off to Asda. Armed with a shopping list longer than my arm, I’ve got to get everything bought, sorted, sealed and frozen today. The food I mean.

Although I’m sure I’m not the only one leaving everything to the last minute, I do wish I spread the Christmas tasks out evenly over December weeks, rather than buying out half of the Camden Town market on Christmas Eve. Last year, I got an awful Michael Jackson painting for my in-laws from some market trader; it looked so bad, they gave it back to me. I was stuck with it all year (it was carefully hidden behind my computer) until I threw it out a few weeks ago. But it seems I never learn- I’ve not got a single present yet!

I do think Christmas buying season is so over rated. We dash around madly, buying anything and everything in sight, and we’re stuck with a bunch of presents we won’t use. I do prefer to give all year around instead in small doses; buy chocolates, flowers or little gifts for my son when I feel like this. Don’t you agree?

So, in case I won’t have the time to write again till Christmas:

Merry Christmas, everyone! And Happy New Year!

I have not written in a while, possibly because I’ve been very busy running my market stall more. As it’s nearing Christmas, the co-operation that operates the stalls during the week had stopped and I’m there 2 days and a half a week, plus weekends. That’s why my entries had dried up. But I’m going to try and find the time to write- it’s such a magical time now, I want to note every detail!

Why is it magical? Well, firstly,  I love this side of the winter before Christmas and New Year. Even though the days are short and murky, it feels amazing as that extra light is coming through the windows as you walk in the early evenings. There are Christmas trees lit; outside decorations; snowmen and reindeer in all the colours decorating people’s gardens. So it’s actually a pleasure to walk home after the dark. I think that’s why God decided to set Christmas day in December- the days are short, but then you wouldn’t really enjoy all that festive lightning in the day time!

The bad side of the Christmas season is the extra long days at Camden market. It’s bad enough to be there two days a week during the winter, but for it to be stretched to four is too much. The cold is unbearable. I bring two full flasks full of steaming lemon tea with me to work, and I sip that all day; but even that usually isn’t enough. My typical clothes selection for a day in Camden Town in winter is:

Two pairs of thick tights; leg warmers and jeans, with a pair of regular socks on top of which I add two pairs of skiing socks. My boots, which usually zip up just about over regular leggings, are stretched to the max and with each step, they complain loudly at having to accommodate all that extra padding.

On top I wear two jumpers, covered by the main, thick, woolly sweater with enormous hood (my father bought me that in Slovakia when he learned how cold it can get in Camden). This is then all covered up with a winter jacket. Dressed like this, I look a good two sizes bigger, but I don’t care. Of course, gloves and scarves are on as well. I stopped short at purchasing an all-inclusive skiing suit some of the traders wear; althought looking at them all cosy and warm, albeit minus the skis, I do consider it at times.

Before Christmas, the market is rather busy so the constant up and down milling of people keeps the air fairly warm; but after Christmas, I feel like crying. Sometimes in January,  there’s not a soul passing by our stalls and that’s when you really feel the cold.

Of course, on the positive side, I’m working really hard to push my other business, Be In Social Media, forward so that I can close the market stall in March for good. That’s right! After Christmas, I’m going to start a big marketing campaign to work on my business and really get it off the ground. I already had three nice orders and with each one I’ve learned something new. All I need to do now is to start marketing it, pushing it forward, let the search engines pick up on the site properly.

So the plans are good. I also want to move slightly out of London. That’s a big plan too. With Danny now so perfectly capable of taking the bus to mama’s, I really don’t need to worry about anything. I’m determined not to move him out of his present school; he seems rather happy there and has made a few nice friends. So if we moved close to the school, albeit in a different direction, it would be brilliant. He’d still be able to take the bus to mama’s when he needs to, and home when he needs to. Plans are in place, let’s hope my health won’t give me any surprises as I’m really, really feeling positive about the future. In every aspect. J

We never got back together since then. We did try to meet when one of us was out of a relationship; but always the other one would be seeing someone.

He got married two years ago and I’ve heard from him less and less as time went on. As he was married to a famous TV presenter in Slovakia, it was easy enough to keep up with what he was up to through media.

He did contact me many times, trying to get me to invest in one of his many businesses. But in my stupidity, I thought I’d do better by just saving the money for rainy days. Or investing into network marketing instead!

So when he started getting in touch more recently, I guessed his marriage was in trouble, and I was right.

He landed in London on Monday morning. I haven’t seen him for five years by now.

‘When you are coming?’ read the first message. ‘I just landed!’

I replied I could only see him on Tuesday, which was today. ‘And what am I supposed to do in London on my own?’ he answered in a hurt tone.

I stood my ground. He had a son too now, he had to understand.

He then calmed down, then went out for a drink with some of his colleagues he produced out of nowhere. I almost fell for his story of being all alone. Then a strange text message arrived:

‘Will you stay with me tomorrow night?’

‘No’, I replied. ‘I’m only coming for a coffee.’

‘But I want a daughter with you like we planned!’ he replied. (that was true-13 years ago!) I then asked him to act politely towards me or I wasn’t coming.

This morning at 7 am, a text message:

‘Are you coming?’ asked my multi-millionaire, strong, happily married first boyfriend impatiently.

‘Yes!’ I replied and got ready.

At 10.30 am, I was just fishing out my phone out of my bag to text him I’ve arrived at the hotel when he walked out of the Strand Palace Hotel to greet me, beaming like a sun. He must have been looking out for me in the foyer.

I hugged this big man, who was supposed to be working all day today but instead took a day off to be with me, and we went for a coffee.

Well, to say we’ve still had the same banter is an understatement. We laughed, talked and reminisced for a good two hours before we were ready to hit some shops to buy gifts. It was like we’ve never been apart.

At first, we talked about his numerous businesses and success. I asked how it felt to be listed amongst the first 40 richest people in the world.

‘Wonderful’, he said, looking at the floor as we walked around Hamleys on Regent Street. ‘But nothing beats the feeling of going hunting in the mountains or playing with my son.’

I didn’t ask about his wife as he wasn’t mentioning her at all. I knew he’d tell me if he needed to.

His chance came when we went for lunch on Oxford Street. By now, he knew I was still single. And I knew what was coming.

‘Why did you leave me all those years ago? You could have had everything.’

‘I know’, I said. ‘I was a child, I needed to see the world.’

He thought for a moment, then said: ‘I’m not happy with my wife.’

I sat quietly, waiting. There was too much pain in his eyes.

‘Money can never buy love’, said he. ‘My wife doesn’t have any respect for me, for what I do or what I give her.’

As his wife is equally famous or even more so than him, and earns a lot of money herself, I pointed out she must have married him for love, not money.

‘If we didn’t have a child, we would not be together by now.’

Hearing this was like an echo of the time when my own marriage was nearing the end. And I knew what this man needed because I needed that too when it was my time. He needed attention, love, someone to tell him she loved him, someone to make love to him like he needed to. But it could never be me.

I sat there listening. I knew what was coming; if I only married him all those years ago, we would have been so happy. But that’s not true. My own marriage also ended- where was the guarantee ours wouldn’t?

This was his own battle, his own fight. He needed to work hard to save his marriage and I told him so. For anyone else to get involved now in their situation would be a suicide.

‘Please’, he said quietly. ‘I want a daughter with you. I will buy us a house, I will open an account at Selfridges for you to have anything you need.’

If it was anyone else offering me all this, I would have flinched at these words, feeling as if I were being reduced to a post of a well-kept mistress. But looking at this greying, rich man who still though we were two 18-years old children in love, I couldn’t dismiss this easily.

‘I want a proper relationship if I have another child’, I said quietly, playing with my food. ‘I deserve that. I don’t doubt you could give me everything, but I want a man by my side.’

‘All I’m asking is for you to think about it’, he said. ‘I’m not afraid to do this. Not even if it will be plastered all over the news.’

‘Well, that’s what I want to avoid too,’ I said, suddenly realising how much trust this man had in me. I could have easily passed on this information to the papers tomorrow. And with a bolt of lighting I realised what a special relationship we always had, and still have, for him to tell me all this. And for him to text me all that intimate stuff without a fear of ruining his public image.

So many times our eyes met today with a complete understanding. I knew he thought the grass was greener on the other side, and if I only said yes, we’d be happy. But I knew better than that.

As we were heading back to his hotel in the taxi, he took my hand and held it all the way, looking out of the window. He looked down at it a few times, kissed it a few times, telling me he could love me again.

I had to hold back the tears all the way. The urge to cry was suddenly very strong. Right then, I didn’t see the head full of grey hair that sat next to me now, looking down at my hand as if to read his destiny; I saw a tall, young boy of 22, full of hope and love that he lavished me with at every occasion. I saw too young children running through the field in the middle of summer, hand in hand; I could even smell the grass as we ran though it. And then again we walked quietly through that same field in the winter, looking at our footsteps in the snow, breaking apart this time. Me at my own stupidity just threw it all away. Here he was offering it again, with me saying no again. And yet life seems to be throwing us back together, closer…

But right now, whatever happens, he needs to get back to his wife. He needs to sort out his marriage. I told him to work at it. He can not use me, or anyone else, as a substitute to happiness. It won’t work and too many people would get hurt.

So, my first love is in London. Well, I say love, but I’m not really sure whether or not it was a true love. I’ve certainly been able to love deeper since then. But Milan was my official first boyfriend.

We met when I was 17. I was heading to a local disco with a friend in my home city, Zilina. I still remember what I was wearing: a long white dress, high heels and a black hair down to my waist. In those days I properly stood out, and I knew it. I wasn’t vain, but as I walked down that shopping alley on that Friday night 13 years ago, my head was held very high as I ignored all those admiring glances around me.

I spotted two geeky-looking guys buying ice cream as we walked past them. Well, it was hard not to spot them as the taller one dropped his ice cream from the sheer surprise of seeing me. I still do not know whether that was on purpose or not.

They walked behind us for a while, then gave up as we weren’t interested. Neither of them was my type.

When we came to a disco, it was nearing midnight when I saw the same guys entering the room. The tall one, Milan, was beside himself with joy of seeing me again. He walked over to introduce himself, bought us a bottle of wine- in those days the guys really knew how to treat the ladies- and we were inseparable all evening.

I still remember that evening with a crystal clarity. Milan carried me around all evening, hardly putting me down. It wasn’t love at first time from my side; but it was from his.

He was serving his army duties in my home town, but originated from a town a few hours away. As he walked me to the train station on the way home, I’ve started noticing some similarities to a certain politician in my country, namely our Prime Minister at that time. I didn’t want to say anything in case i was wrong, so I kept quiet till we met my younger sister at the train station.

I introduced them:

‘This is Milan,’ I said to my sister. ‘And this is my sister Dana,’ I said to Milan.

‘Nice to meet you’, said Milan as he shook Dana’s hand and looked down at her with amusement. In those days, my sister Dana was a proper hippy with a strange fashion sense- all torn trousers and yellow jackets. I in my lady attire and long hair looked far from being related to her in any way.

‘Are you the Prime Minister?’ blurted Dana out as soon as he spoke. As I looked at her reproachfully, I realised she was right- he sounded and looked just like our Prime Minister, only younger.

‘Yes,’ laughed Milan. ’That gentleman is my father.’

We were rather impressed by this and questioned him all the way to our village- he was so kind, he took the train with us to make sure we got home safe. We tried to keep our excited voices down on the train as he was rather private about his famous origins.

So our love affair had begun. Well, not really begun. Prime Minister’s son or not, I just couldn’t bring myself to properly fancy him. And he did so much for me. He took me to his home village at weekends to meet his family, introduced me to his friends, planned our future together. Him and his father were the spitting image of Milan’s grandma, an old lady I absolutely adored. When I visited, we usually stayed with her. She could have been a Prime Minister herself; she was strong, she didn’t take any nonsense from people and she never minced her words. She looked at me as if I were a pretty doll; she liked me but I could tell she wanted a stronger girl for Milan. I was far too gentle for her taste.

I still wasn’t ready for sex in any way at that time; at 18, I felt far too young. But one morning, I overheard Milan’s grandma asking him:

‘Did you kiss her yet?’

‘No’, replied he.

’Well, what are you waiting for? You’re not made out of wood, are you?’ she asked, kindly but firmly.

And as I sneaked a peek into the living room, I saw Milan’s grandma sitting beside a fire; her grandson sat in front of her with his head buried in his hands as if he was ashamed. I realised there and then that I had to give in and give something back. By now we were going out for a year, it was a right time.

So that evening as we got into our bed, I knew Milan would try to kiss me like his grandma told him. I turned to him to encourage him, and he passionately kissed me, relieved; but I just couldn’t go on any further.

‘I’m just not ready,’ I said, this time with my own head buried in my hands in shame. But he understood, telling me we had so much time to wait for the right moment.

It was a very beautiful time, but I started to feel restless. My relationship with my father wasn’t good and I wanted to escape the situation at home. I knew Milan wanted to marry me and his whole family agreed; but I wasn’t ready to go from one prison to next, as it then seemed to me. My whole future being wonderfully mapped out for me did not seem appealing to me one bit.

I went to Norway to look after horses. Milan reluctantly agreed, thinking I just needed to get it out of my system and then I’d marry him. And that’s what I really thought I’d do. We wrote every single day; his letters brightened up the dreary, lonely, cold Norwegian days. I couldn’t wait to see him and my love for him deepened.

When I came home that Christmas, still only 18, I went straight to see him. We finally made love for the first time ever, and it was magical. But I still wasn’t ready to settle down and went to England.

This time, he had enough and sent me a letter with a formal proposition to get married. I agonised over it for ages before deciding to decline. Even at that young age, I knew I’d never ever meet a man like him- and I was right. No one ever measured up to him. Danny’s dad, Kayvan, came close; but Milan was on a much higher level in every way.

Today, he’s worth 40 million Euros; he’s married and has a child. Please go to Part 2 to read the rest. J