Today is Wednesday, 18 July 2012. Lots of changes are happening right now, not good changes.
First off, my sister texted me to say I need to go on Skype immediately as apparently my mother set the Iphone to silent mode and it wouldn’t ring. Knowing how my mother panics about even the slightest thing, I immediately went to log on to talk to her. Mother wasn’t at home but I explained everything to my sister who set the phone straight.
‘What’s new?’ I asked my sister Dana. She fiddled with her hair, than looked straight at me.
‘Grandma’s in the hospital’, she said. ‘She had water on her lungs on Sunday and they kept her in.’
Oh my God. Less than 2 months after the death of my father, my grandma goes to the same hospital where he died.
When I went home that faithful week he died, grandma said to me: ‘I feel we will go away very close together. I don’t know who will go first, although it now seems he will go first.’
Could it be her words might actually come true? I pray not.
Second bad news is Piff. He has a court hearing tomorrow, Thursday the 19th, and he fully expects to be deported to Romania. This is very difficult for me to handle as I really, really like despite everything he’s put me through.
We were not very careful with precaution on holiday and I have been feeling very tired since we got back, yawning constantly. When I imagine I’d be pregnant with him god know where, and me a single mother to two children, I feel ill. But I’d keep the baby, no matter what.
So tomorrow the judge will decide whether he stays in London with me- yes, with me because lately we’ve always been together- or goes back to Romania. A scary thought.
We have been spending so much time together, I feel like I almost love him. Yesterday we went to Westfield and spent all day together, talking, kissing, hugging. He’s not a physical person and I always feel he wants to pull away from me when I hold him; but I have none of it. I just pull him closer and kiss him.
In bed, he’s very affectionate. Out of bed, you’d never guess he loves me so much.
So tomorrow our fate will be decided. I don’t know what we will do if he’s deported; he claims he will come back in four days. Everything is very, very scary.
Today I’m seeing him as well. I suggested a little break for him to prepare mentally for tomorrow; but like a child that he is, he replied a firm ‘no’ and he said he needs me. I couldn’t refuse him this last day together.