Wind of Change

Today is Wednesday, 18 July 2012. Lots of changes are happening right now, not good changes.

First off, my sister texted me to say I need to go on Skype immediately as apparently my mother set the Iphone to silent mode and it wouldn’t ring. Knowing how my mother panics about even the slightest thing, I immediately went to log on to talk to her. Mother wasn’t at home but I explained everything to my sister who set the phone straight.

‘What’s new?’ I asked my sister Dana. She fiddled with her hair, than looked straight at me.

‘Grandma’s in the hospital’, she said. ‘She had water on her lungs on Sunday and they kept her in.’

Oh my God. Less than 2 months after the death of my father, my grandma goes to the same hospital where he died.

When I went home that faithful week he died, grandma said to me: ‘I feel we will go away very close together. I don’t know who will go first, although it now seems he will go first.’

Could it be her words might actually come true? I pray not.

Second bad news is Piff. He has a court hearing tomorrow, Thursday the 19^th, and he fully expects to be deported to Romania. This is very difficult for me to handle as I really, really like despite everything he’s put me through.

We were not very careful with precaution on holiday and I have been feeling very tired since we got back, yawning constantly. When I imagine I’d be pregnant with him god know where, and me a single mother to two children, I feel ill. But I’d keep the baby, no matter what.

So tomorrow the judge will decide whether he stays in London with me- yes, with me because lately we’ve always been together- or goes back to Romania. A scary thought.

We have been spending so much time together, I feel like I almost love him. Yesterday we went to Westfield and spent all day together, talking, kissing, hugging. He’s not a physical person and I always feel he wants to pull away from me when I hold him; but I have none of it. I just pull him closer and kiss him.

In bed, he’s very affectionate. Out of bed, you’d never guess he loves me so much.

So tomorrow our fate will be decided. I don’t know what we will do if he’s deported; he claims he will come back in four days. Everything is very, very scary.

Today I’m seeing him as well. I suggested a little break for him to prepare mentally for tomorrow; but like a child that he is, he replied a firm ‘no’ and he said he needs me. I couldn’t refuse him this last day together.

 

 

 

 

 

Piff Arrested

Hello England! Well, we just came back from Slovakia so I guess it’s appropriate to say that.

Yes, we have just come back from our holidays in Slovakia. Well, I say holidays, but it’s more of a headache than holiday when you are visiting your family. Don’t you agree?

Of course, I will go over the details later. I just quickly want to go over what’s happening with Piff.

Piff, my neighbour and now my I-don’t-know-what-to-call-him has had an accident with the police on Sunday. It went like this:

 

I went to cinema with my sister and our children. As the phone was charging, I left it at home as we texted with Piff previously, so I wasn’t worried he’d be panicking if I didn’t text for a while.

The moment I got back home I looked at the phone, and shock and horror- I had 27 messages and 10 missed calls from Piff. I knew trouble lay ahead. I read the texts first. All about where I was, why I didn’t text back and which boys I was with. Typical Piff when he was drinking. He didn’t leave a voice message, so I couldn’t tell whether he was drinking for sure.

I texted him back to reassure him I was at home. He texted straight back:

‘I’ve just been arrested. I’m with the police, good bye.’

Cold sweat poured over me as I suddenly imagined my life without Piff- I assumed he was being deported to Romania. I waited for the news, texting and calling him every hour. Nothing. Needless to say, I haven’t slept a wink that night.

The next day, I kept calling him but there was no answer. I knew there were big problems. I spent a day really scared, thinking he was deported to Romania.

Finally at 4 pm, I got a text message from him.

‘I was in police station all night’ it said happily. ‘I was arrested for drink driving.’

 

I asked for more details. He said he had a few drinks but he was OK. It was not so.

When we got to the UK and he picked us up at the airport, he was very upset. I could see how much as he didn’t say a word the whole time.

Next day, we talked.

‘I almost crushed into a police car’, he admitted sheepishly. ‘I also spat on a police officer and showed up a finger.’

Goodness me. I knew this was not going to go down well.

Sure enough, his court date had been set for the 19^th of July- same day as Danny’s trip to New York. He had a difficult time this past week and sadly, he was taking it out on me mainly. Today the stress he put me through was horrendous. It was all day stupid texts, mainly about poor Jake who by coincidence texted me at the weekend. Since he texted, it was a never ending stream of accusations. Typical Piff.

We actually went on a romantic weekend together. Of course, with Piff, nothing can be very romantic. He spent a lot of money on shopping for me, I give him that. But everything to do with romance or normal activity you do on a romantic weekend was completely missing.

His life is so fast paced. He does not even have the time to eat in peace. He always rushes somewhere, apparently if he doesn’t make money, seven families will not eat. While that sounds like a huge weight on his shoulders, I know deep down this isn’t for me. In fact, I don’t know what type of girl would put up with such crazy man.

Today he got a new lawyer and I know he’s very upset, taking it all out on me. It’s very sad. We will know more on Thursday but there’s a possibility he will be deported to Romania, and maybe that’s why he’s acting like this. Who knows?

But back to my life:

Well, I’m still jobless so things are not great. I’m looking for a job every day and I want to find someone to work with me, to talk to the businesses for me as I’m useless at it. At least that’s what I think. When someone says no to me, I’m immediately discouraged.

I know the business is good as I had a few sales. Just why it’s slowed down so badly, I’m not sure.

On the brighter note, I spoke to Monica today and we are meeting up on Thursday after quite a few months off. I do kind of miss her and I told her I thought she was being very negative towards me. We will see how the meeting goes.

So, a little about my holiday:

The weather was truly amazing. Raining at night, but a nice kind, still warm and thundery showers; and up to 40 degrees during the day.

Of course, I worried about this holiday. The pain was still raw following the death of my father. But I needn’t have worried. Everyone was really welcoming, especially my middle sister who really looked after us. My youngest sister seemed very preoccupied with her boys, so much so she didn’t find much time for us. But of course, we understood that.

My mother is my biggest worry. She doesn’t eat, she’ now a skin and bone. We keep telling her to eat for us but she does not listen. It’s like a part of her had died with my father.

We did lots of nice stuff. We went to the mountains, watched Ice Age 4 in the cinema (albeit in Slovak language), went swimming twice (me just looking on) and ate lots of ice cream.

 

Are these pants yours?

Hello world, my God, it’s the end of June and I’m still jobless! It’s truly scary. I have not had any money coming in for the past 4 months, and my savings are wearing thin. People tell me I should go on benefits, but I sort of want to leave it till when I move house. Then again, I cannot rent a house without money coming in, and the type of house I want is very expensive. So it’s a vicious circle really.

Danny, my 12-year-old son has serious troubles sleeping. He has not slept properly for a few days. I guess all the worries, the death of my father and whatever it is up in the loft keeps him awake, night after night. Poor him. Surprisingly, I’ve had the same problem when I was 12, I’ve had an OCD. I went through hell but, of course, there wasn’t any help available when I was small. However, I will be able to help Danny should he develop an OCD.

Today I’m hoping to visit my GP as I’ve got an awful pain in my left side. It goes from my hip to right below my rib cage, it’s so sore I can hardly walk. But then I had been so stressed lately, Piff only adding to my stress that is no wonder my body found a way to release all that tension. I’m in agony.

I have seen Piff a few times this week and he is being civil, so far so good. He’s actually not all that bad, now that I get to watch him from a distance. He helps absolutely everyone around him. But as a potential boyfriend, and a married one into a bargain, he’s not great.

There was one funny incident this week that showed just how much Piff had changed since he met me. Of course, the fact we were not together anymore helped me enormously as he’d probably have killed me if it happened in our ‘together’ phase.

He came around for a coffee just as I was sorting out Danny’s underwear. I came across a man’s Calvin Klein underpants. Seeing they were too big for Danny, I asked Piff:

‘Are these yours?’

Big mistake. We were not together so he couldn’t, well, hurt me, but he went on and on about how important it is to control his women.

‘No control, then she asks you if this underwear is yours!’ he kept blasting out. I found it so funny; I was on the floor with laughter.

I’ve had a lucky escape with this one, needless to say.

So, the weekend is here, then we’re off to Slovakia. I can’t wait!

One week before our holiday in Slovakia

Good morning world, today is Sunday, 24 June 2012 and 9.15 am. I slept very well for the first time in days as Piff finally let go of scary, endless texts and constant watching. In fact, he had not been home since yesterday so I’m hoping and praying that I can finally live again.

Looking back, this truly was a nightmare experience. I’ve never met anyone with so many negatives in my life. Controlling, married, rude, bad mannered, wanted man- and I fall for him? Well, thankfully I did not fall for him even though he did for me.

Yesterday it was hundreds of pleading texts to go for coffee with him and to hear him out. In one text, he said he just spoke to his sister who said he must stay married to his wife for another 3 years. Wow, how tempting it was to go and listen to him after that.

No, Piff is in the past. I’m moving on, I want to get my health back (I was so stressed, my whole lower tummy was on fire ever since I met him) and I just want to relax again. A holiday to Slovakia will also help him move on.

And what had helped me? Erika advised me to say: ‘How many times do I need to tell you to stop contact?’

I was doubtful it would work, but it actually worked like a dream, surprisingly. After that, no more messages and more importantly, no impromptu visits to my home after dark.

I feel like a bird that just escaped from its cage. Despite the heavy rain that is lashing down on London this morning, I feel great. I have some plans with my girls, either a trip to Wembley Market or Camden Town, and I feel happy! Happy! Thank you God.

Now I need to plan my perfect guy .

Strong Enough To End It At Last!

Two days ago I went to Westfield with Piff, and we had a truly nice time- well, sort of. Not the best as he finally revealed who he really was. He was a ‘wanted’ man and Interpol was after him. He revealed that four of his companions were extradited to Romania already, but because he paid the government a lot of money, he was safe for the time being. Yes, he was in Mafia in Romania. And he ended our, well, ‘Love Story’ with that confession.

I came home feeling exhausted, stressed and sad. Looking at my son when he came from school, I realised I had to stop this affair. Well, it was not an affair yet as we mainly just met up for coffee. But I knew I had to end it there and then.

My friend Erika came that evening and I told her the whole story.

‘I feel physically ill listening to you’, she said. ‘I need an aspirin and a lie down’.

The next morning, I texted him to say I will meet him in Starbucks. As he lent me £200 the week before for the tickets to Slovakia, I wrote out a cheque to take with me.

The whole meeting was actually very sad. I had to admit, as I watched him move around and fussing over me, this man was completely different to the man I met a month ago. Back then, Piff was loud, rude, used to people obey his every wish and he had the same attitude towards me. Now, as he sat next to me quietly holding my hand and speaking in reasonable English, he was an almost perfect gentleman.

I handed him a cheque. He unfolded him, looked at it carefully and then said:

‘I know what is coming. Piff, we are finished. Here is your money and good bye.’

Well, I never doubted his high levels of intelligence, and he proved it now as he knew exactly why I wanted to meet him.

‘Piff,’ I started, feeling uneasy. After all, he was a dangerous man who’d seen too much in his short life. ‘I can not be with a married man. I have Danny to think about, our future.’

He kept looking down. I knew suddenly how much this man liked me- a scary love had developed in his heart in only four weeks. I truly was in danger if he was not ready to accept it.

He did not say much, just kept holding my hands. He said he understood. But I knew what he would be like when I wasn’t next to him a few hours later.

 

We parted on the good terms. We hugged, we kissed. We were still neighbours, after all, so we were sure to bump into each other again.

When I got home, the decent man disappeared and the usual Piff took his place. Lots of texts, mainly accusing me of having another man in the house- only men can think of such an idiotic possibility. As if I took a chance on bringing someone home when I knew he was watching!

Today the same thing- text messages from the sad man who suddenly doesn’t know what to do with his free time. He is completely lost. He even threatened to come to my house in the morning but, luckily, Sunday episode had made him wary.

My next step in life is to move house, that’s an absolute priority. And find fantastic new clients to work with.

But the main thing is, I’m free from this man. Were the good times we had worth the bad times and the stress I went through?

NO.

 

What Happened After

As you could see from my previous two posts, I’ve had a weekend from hell. Thanks to Piff’s drunken antics, all our neighbours, including his wife, knew about our affair now. And I was angry and stressed out to my very core.

 

Next morning I rang him to complain about his behaviour and to make it clear we were finished. Easier said than done.

‘Police was at my home at 5 am’, he said sadly. ‘I punched the furniture and my brother-in-law.’

Well, apparently he went on arguing with his wife all night, adding a different problem to the previous one of coming to my house. They fought all night and it ended in violence.

Monday morning he was looking for a house to move into, but by lunch time, things have calmed down between him and his wife and he was able to come home. The text messages were just a few that morning, him obviously being scared of his wife- hence I learned they weren’t married just for the papers as he claimed.

We have met briefly on that Monday. I was feeling very stressed, I was aware of how much damage I was doing to myself. Me and Danny were passing his house on the way to Asda when he drove by, looking at me. I rang him to stop and to apologise to Danny- after all, two Sundays in a row he turned up at our house drunk. Enough was enough.

He stopped nearby, and hugged Danny tightly whilst saying sorry.

Yesterday I saw him again, he drove me to the hospital for my leg appointment.

So much for my plans of never seeing him again.

Not So Magical Weekend, Part 2

So, the weekend from hell continued well into Sunday.

He came back at 10 am on Sunday morning.  Robo, my Slovak friend, called saying he wanted to go to the church with me. He also suggested we go sightseeing to Greenwich. I asked Piff what his plans were- he said he had some barbecue plans later- and he exploded again.

 

He rained a storm of insults and accusations at me as he stood smoking by my kitchen door. By this point, I was too stressed to even react. My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty- it was the same stress I used to experience with Jim, my ex. Now I had that again in my life.

We then parted, not knowing if we’d see each other again that day- or ever, in my case. I really had enough of this man. But I made a resolution: he either treats me with respect and won’t send stupid, insulting messages, or I won’t reply.

Sure enough, insulting messages started to come in. Where I was, with whom, how many boys. As if I were 18, not 34. Enough. I turned off my phone and went to Elstree with Robo, but I was very stressed, nervous and sad. Everyone around me noticed I was very sad these days- thanks to Piff stressing me out!

Every now and again I turned my phone on to check out the messages. There were coming in often. I knew he was drinking with friends somewhere and I also knew I could expect a visit from him in the evening, just like last Sunday.

We came home. I went to collect Danny and we got ready to go to sleep. I got a text from Piff saying he was coming to see me. I hoped he was joking. But we were in bed when the bell rang. I went to the window, looked down. Piff stood there, unsteady on his legs, and across the road- his wife watching him!

Oh my God. I opened the window, registering both sets of my neighbours outside.

‘Please go home, Piff’ I said to him. He was looking up at me, his blue eyes very visible in the dark.

‘We are in bed. Go home, we will talk tomorrow.’

‘Please’, he said. ‘Two minutes.’

‘Look!’ I shouted, pointing to his wife behind him. ‘Your wife is there!’

He turned around, then looked back at me.

‘So? What’s your problem?’ he asked foolishly, still looking up.

His wife started to scream in Romanian at him. He turned around and followed her home as I already closed the window. We could hear them arguing as they walked home.

I was shaking with nerves in bed, trying to explain to Danny that he was drunk. I was very, very ashamed of letting myself go with this man, completely unworthy of me, of us.

Minutes later, I heard footsteps on the stones outside again. ‘He’s here again’ Danny announced, this time getting out of bed and coming with me to the window. Piff, seeing him by my side, turned around and walked home. A nightmare!

I resolved to never ever see him again. This man was a trouble. But the story wasn’t over yet. Read part 3!